Unfolding

The flower doesn’t question.

Spring simply arrives and there are daffodils,

perfectly stretching toward the sky.

To be the flower bud,

slowing unfurling the parts that are mine,

reaching for the warmth,

the light

My roots grow deeply, connected.

Drawing in the nutrients I need

to bloom

And then it’s over,

for now

Summer fades into frost and falling leaves

and I go within the earth

Dormant I lie,

listening closely,

until I hear the whispers

of the next Spring

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Generous Creation

I am grateful to be here. Everything beyond that is gravy.

Creation from a space of gratitude allows for true generosity; I don’t need or want anything in return, only to share. To give.

Here, I made this. You can have it if you like. You can leave it if you like.

Any joy you get is gravy.

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Fifteen Minutes

"Can I really do something of meaning in the fifteen minutes that I have?”

This is a persistent thought of mine. It is a thought that I often let in, unwittingly thwarting any chance of action.

In fact, a piece of music is played in 3-4 minutes. A guitar solo is maybe a minute or two. Usain Bolt won the 100 meter in less than 10 seconds. Meaningful action can take place in a shockingly short period of time.

Of course, you cannot know which moment will be the one that matters. All you can do is show up.

So yes, I can make something of meaning in these few precious moments. Who’s to say this won’t be the fifteen minutes that count?

Am I really so prescient as to predict that? If I am, I’ll be the first in history. I suppose that would be something.

Gratitude

I am grateful I showed up this morning. It really does make all the difference. There’s a weight that lifts off of me and the rest of my day...is just better.

And if you’re here reading this, thank you! It means a lot to me that you took the time to share in these words of mine. I hope you find something in them worth taking with you.

Affirmation & Intention

It makes a difference when you show up. Anyone can show up. But only you can show up and be you.

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Play What You've Got

Ironic. First entry since I wrote about it being hard to get up and do “that” again. I am humbled by this. The “again” is definitely part of the challenge. “Do” obviously is, too.

What am I writing for? Is this journal in this moment meant to go into the public sphere? Or am I just supposed to dump my present state onto the page and then see what/if anything emerges? I can’t assume I will wake up every morning and write something that is worth sharing into the public. Sometimes it will just be a detox. (Obviously, I have chosen to share it publicly anyway)

So what is my detox? Well...I’m actually feeling pretty good right now. And that is a new feeling. I think I would previously have been sitting here berating myself for “how pathetic” I am for missing 3 weeks, in JANUARY no less. What a loser.

But no, that’s not where I am right now. Instead I am simply grateful that I have sat down again, that I am “doing something again.”

Increasingly, anything I come across on my phone feels unsatisfying. I feel like I have seen the man behind the curtain and I am not impressed. Still, as I waited for my coffee to brew (a single serving- maybe a 30 second wait) I felt myself longing to pull out my phone and start scrolling. It’s become so habitual that there isn’t even thought to it. I can’t remember the last time I was bored. Until this morning. When I had to just sit there for 30 seconds. Now that IS pathetic. But that’s not me.

No, I have a lot of internal energy that is waiting for me to let it out. Last night I put my phone down. It was 8pm and I had been mindlessly scrolling since I had finished dinner cleanup. I grabbed my terrible little acoustic guitar that I bought for $50 from Target and I started playing. I learned a few new jazz licks and starting playing them over a minor ii-V-I (2-5-1). I didn’t put the guitar down for an hour.

My shitty, wonderful little guitar

In many ways, that hour on the guitar was the same as an hour on my phone. I wasn’t working on anything, per se, I just found a couple licks that I liked and I practiced them. I’m not even any good at them yet. I was lost in the process for an hour, just like when I’m scrolling.

The difference is this: today I can play a jazz lick that I didn’t know yesterday. It’s a tiny improvement. But they add up.

And today I have a chance to add a little more.

Gratitude

I’m really grateful for that little guitar. I bought it about ten years ago when I visited my folks in New Jersey. I was really missing music at the time and thought it would be nice to have a guitar to play when I visited. But at the time I ended up deciding the guitar was too terrible to play. Recently, I put new strings on it. The G string goes out of tune all the time. Its tone is pretty weak. I love playing it.

Affirmation & Intention

Play the instruments you’ve got! Play them proudly. Make beautiful music.

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